Is $848 enough cash to go eating, drinking, shopping and bowling with Aussie rockers the Vines? Apparently not…

“Who told you we wanted to go to an ice hockey game?” asks Craig Nicholls, frontman for the Vines, standing in the foyer of his Manhattan hotel. “We are definitely not going to an ice hockey game.”

This announcement comes as a blow to Blender, who had been informed by the Australian group’s ‘people’ that the band most definitely did want to spend part of the $848 we’ve given them to attend a sporting event. We even purchased tickets for tonight’s Madison Square Garden showdown between the New York Rangers and the Vancouver Canucks, plus four giant fingers emblazoned with ‘Go Rangers!’ – digits of foam craziness that, it now appears, will never be waved by the people whose 2002 debut found them hailed as the best new rock band since Nicholl’s idols Nirvana.

In a last-ditch attempt to change the group’s mind, and with the game fast approaching, Blender points out that beer will be available for purchase at the arena (this receives a nod of approval from lanky drummer and resident band party animal Hamish Rosser, 29) and there’s also a good chance of seeing grown men beat the crap out of each other with large pieces of wood (ditto).

Nicholls, however, is having none of it. “I,” announces the 26-year-old in a tone that brooks little opposition, “want to go to a toy shop.”

Ten minutes later, the Vines, who are in town to promote their second CD, Winning Days, are standing in the foyer of Toys R Us in Times Square, inspecting the store’s indoor Ferris Wheel.

“I went on that thing last time I was here,” Nicholls sniffs. “It looks good. But then you get to the top, and you’re stuck there for fucking ages. I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Inside the store, bassist Patrick Matthews, 28, tries on a sea captain’s hat, while Nicholls berates Rosser for his selection of a toy guitar (“Are you sure you want that? I mean, are you actually going to take that home with you?”) and a tambourine-and-triangle set (“Another wasted purchase!”).

“I thought this would be fun, but it’s actually quite dull,” Nicholls says after we have been in the store for all of 10 minutes. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

As we walk to Virgil’s, a nearby barbecue restaurant, the lead singer reveals that he has given up both drinking and smoking. “Not smoking isn’t hard,” he muses. “One day I just decided to stop.”

Blender points out that this news is bound to provoke hatred in smokers who have tried to quit without success.

“Oh, stick around,” he smirks, evilly. “You’ll soon find plenty of other reasons to hate me!”

While, to be fair, the singer will later apologize for his behavior, Nicholls’ antics during dinner are indeed somewhat irritating, as he alternates between look-at-me self-flagellation (“I’m so pretentious! We’re all such clichés!”), non sequiturs (“I like monkeys”) and rock star boorishness (thrusting his glass over his head when the waiter fails to refill his Coke quickly enough).

Not that Nicholls’ behavior comes as a huge shock. This is the man, afterall, who got the Vines banned from ‘The Tonight Show’ by destroying an array of equipment during rehearsals and who has been known to lock himself in the bathroom for three hours before a show. Nicholls may semi-seriously complain about one of his bandmates’ fondness for acid – “One time he got so wasted, he took all his clothes off and tried to eat the pavement!” – but he seems himself familiar with the other LSD – Lead Singer’s Disease.

What turns the evening’s tide is a post dinner visit to the Virgin Megastore, where Nicholls scoops up the entire stock of CDs by the late attack-dog comedy icon Bill Hicks: “I don’t care if I’ve got duplicates. I just love him!” Meanwhile, guitarist Ryan Griffiths, 25, arrives at the cash register carrying a basket loaded down with DVDs: the Alien Quadrilogy box set, The Wild Bunch, A Hard Day’s Night, both Wayne’s World movies, a Simpsons box and a raft of other films that when we rung the total was more than $800. When Griffiths is informed that this is much more money that the band has left, the guitarist’s face scrunches into an expression of misery.

“My house burned down,” he whispers.

What?

“It’s true,” Rosser says. “Ryan, Patrick and Craig were all living in the same house. It burned down while we were on tour. Ryan lost everything.”

“We need more money!” Nicholls adds. Blender agrees that - on this occasion and this occasion only – the customary $848 allowance should be increased to $1,848. Delighted, and still cooing over his CDs, Nicholls improves his attitude dramatically. He even expresses contrition over his previous behavior.

“I was really just nervous about doing this,” he explains, “I really hate the idea of coming across all pretentious. Most of the time, people think too much. I want to show people that we’re normal. We’re the kind of people who go shopping, eat dinner and like to bowl.”

To prove this, we relocate to the Leisure Time bowling emporium inside the Port Authority bus terminal, where the Vines decide that their remaining cash should be awarded to the winner. Sadly, Blender’s hopes of reclaiming at least some dough are soon dashed by Matthews, who, fortified by a couple of beers, establishes an immediate and commanding lead.

“Most people concentrate on hitting the center pin,” Matthews says when, with his score nearly triple Blender’s, we ask him for advice. “But it’s just as important to pay attention to where your hand is when you let go of the ball.”

Under Matthews’ Yoda-ish tutelage, Blender’s game improves – but too little, too late. The final score: Nicholls, 93, Rosser, 97, Griffiths, 98, Blender, 119, and Matthews…161!

“Did we not mention that he’s really good at this?” laughs Nicholls, who suddenly couldn’t be friendlier.

“To be honest, that’s my low end,” Matthews says. “I’d usually expect to score around 180.”

“Do you want to know the tip I didn’t give you?” he adds, stuffing Blender’s last $100 in his pocket. “Only play games that you know how to win! Now how about a rematch!”

*****

How They Spent It

The Vines, February 2, 2004

Hockey Tickets $178

Foam Fingers $24

Toys $78

CDs and DVDs $1,142

Bowling $80

Patrick’s Winnings $100

Total: $1,848